I’ve spent the past few days trying to fit my brain back into normal life mold.
I’ve been to class. I’ve written poems and fiction. I haven’t written any intros or outros, and I definitely haven’t spent hours staring at FinalCut and trying to condense 20 minutes of footage into 75 seconds of story.
I haven’t had any condensed milk or savory crepes, and I haven’t walked 10 miles or been through security three times in the span of an hour.
I ate in the caf and then resorted to Tastebuds pizza for dinner and fell asleep before 3 a.m. and didn’t sprawl across Meredith and Ashley’s beds with the rest of the team.
I read 60 pages of Moby Dick and started planning the news section of the Collegian and went to small group and had study dates and lunch dates with friends. I went to Solomon’s Porch and spent two hours staring at the coffee shop and feeling like I was in the universe again.
The universe is very wide and has wide streets and candy blue skies. The universe has lots of familiar faces and at least 7 things I’m trying to read at once. The universe is messy and very solitary, but the land of my dreams is full of constant presence and a mattress on the floor and video equipment sprawled across a room and crepes every day and it’s warm verging on hot and it’s unreachable.
It’s gone. It happened, it ended, it’s finished, it exists only in my memory and the pictures I’ll flip through for the rest of my life. It exists in the friendships that deepened over the week and a half in Sochi. It exists in the articles floating across the Internet that have my name on them. It exists in the reunions we’ll have and the inside jokes I’ll make to people who have no idea what I’m talking about.
I’m trying to reshape my brain to fit the universe again, but today it’s rebelling and springing into the shape of my dream and I’m wondering why things have to end. Why can’t dreams last forever and reality take a bow, retreat behind the curtain and stay where it doesn’t have to bother anyone.
Okay, so maybe tomorrow I’ll be glad to be a functioning member of the universe, but today let’s let the brain reshaping take a rest and watch The Big Bang Theory.